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*Yawn*… Ah, That’s Better
By God | January 24, 2007
It has been quiet around here, hasn’t it?
I’ve been having a bit of a rest. Just as My non-existent predecessor allegedly took a bit of a breather after creating the world, I decided it would be appropriate for Me to do the same. No, you fool, to have a rest, not to create a world. Don’t be ridiculous.
Anyway, the miracle is coming along nicely. The beard is growing in length, and has a decidedly whitish aspect, despite My youthful vigour.
Anyway, after My brief rest I went on a bit of a walkabout. You know, rubbing shoulders with the ordinary mortals again, as I do periodically. One of My sojourns took me to Dunstable, an unremarkable town in Bedfordshire. While browsing the sparse parody that has the cheek to call itself a market, I spotted a preacher giving out about second comings and salvation. I stopped to listen for a few moments, but the fellow had it all wrong. What’s more, his delivery was less sincere, and certainly less engaging, than that of the average Big Issue vendor.
I took one of his pamphlets. It was rubbish and I gave it back, offering My expert opinion of it as a piece of motivational religious PR bumf. “A bit ropey. Is that the best you can do?”, were My exact words, if memory serves.
The amateur preaching chap responded with a question of his own.
“Who do you think you are?”
I stuck My hand out. “Well actually, I’m your boss. I’m God, how do you do.”
I can only describe his reaction as insubordinate in the extreme.
Such a rude fellow. You know, if I went in for that Old Testament stuff, I’d be sorely tempted to send a plague of locusts round to decimate his garden… Or maybe a thunderbolt upside the head would teach him some manners.
But no, that was the old boss. The new one has more class than that, if I say so Myself.
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